


Little Black Submarine

by idre



Category: 19天 - Old先 | 19 Days - Old Xian
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Fluff and Angst, M/M, One Shot, Short, Short One Shot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-25
Updated: 2020-05-25
Packaged: 2021-03-02 17:14:00
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 696
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24370375
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/idre/pseuds/idre
Summary: Just something short I swear it's not all angst it's just that quarantine got me feeling things lmaoI'm sure you thought it was worth it. Nicotine breath passing through a mouth too coarse for its own good.
Relationships: He Tian/Mo Guanshan (19 Days)
Comments: 6
Kudos: 70





	Little Black Submarine

I'm sure you thought it was worth it. Nicotine breath passing through a mouth too coarse for its own good. Lips grazing on marble skin you think is too good to be true. You kiss him too much, most of it stolen, that you smirk at the thought of giving him secondhand smoke. Sometimes he swears he might as well be smoking his own pack if you're gonna keep at it with him. 

You see patches of discolored skin on his wrist, arm, stomach, and legs. You're reminded of a painter's apron carelessly smeared with paint. You think you shouldn't romanticize such things because there was a time when you were the one who gave him those bruises. You promised you'd be better, be kinder, even if it's just for him.

I'm sure you thought it was worth it, you went through the trouble of getting your own hands dirty for him, went through the trouble of proving that you can be good too. But the problem just doesn't fall on you, it's the both of you. Crass words leave your mouths before one of you can think of what it really means. Threats pass both of your mouths so easily and both of you have the habit of believing it. Eyes would widen a fraction, lips pursed with loath. Sometimes weighted fists would follow. Sometimes it would be slammed doors. Sometimes it would be turned backs you have no idea when will turn again. 

I'm sure you thought it was worth it because you were willing enough to bother to force yourself in. Barged your way in because you weren't used to being said no like that. You kept at it at first because you thought it was entertaining then things got deeper. Now you're left wondering whether you like him more than he likes you and as you think it through you realize it doesn't matter that much, you'd rather have him with you than the alternative. 

You watch him as he cleans up after you. He picks up the discarded clothes you left on the floor. It's always been like this with him; you make the mess, he cleans it up. 

You wonder just how long this thing between you two would last. You have a tendency to disappear with no definite date of return. When you do come back it's always him you come to see first. Hair and eyes still fiery as ever, a scowl that seems to be permanently on his face to counter the smile you have. Every time you come back you take note if he still wears the earnings you gave him (he does). And each time you come back you notice how he no longer asks where you've been. Maybe he's getting tired, maybe one day there won't be any scowl welcoming you back. 

But miraculously both of you have stuck around this long. You wonder how much of it is voluntary. You decide it doesn't matter as long as he's still here. Besides, you know better than anyone that no one can tell Mo Guan Shan what to do. You're similar that way. But no matter how many conversations you have through gritted teeth and cutoff phone calls there is no one else you would rather talk to. 

You think of the times when you don't get to call him when you have to disappear for a while and you don't get to contact anyone. And you think that you would rather have him on the other end of the line yelling and cursing at you than to never have to talk to him again. 

You revel at his frowns and his nagging that masks his concern because you know that it's all meant for you. You accept it with palms wide open and pocket it. And when he smiles, eyes crinkled around the corners it makes you feel like you've swallowed the sweetest nectar there is, filling up your belly, your chest swelling and you think that this makes it worth it because no matter what you do and no matter how overwhelming it makes you feel you can never get enough of it.

**Author's Note:**

> hi! It's been a hot minute since I've written something lol I hope you liked it! talk to me [here!](https://losernumerouno.tumblr.com/)
> 
> (also title of this fic is a song from black keys)


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